The new year is a good time to think about what you want to change in the coming months. And while many people have the usual goals of trying to eat healthier, exercise more and drink less, others focus on getting better at something many of us have never heard of: social fitness.
In short, social fitness means feeling more comfortable in social situations—and not canceling plans because you’re too worried you don’t know anyone at the party or walking away from a conversation worrying about something inappropriate you might have said.
This is something CL attorney Mike Schmidt is working on. Schmidt tells Yahoo Life that he has “struggled with social interactions” for a long time. “The pandemic has made it worse, honestly,” he says. “Spending so much time in isolation just made it harder to get back into group conversations.” To combat this, Schmidt made an effort to start casual conversations more comfortably. “I’d say my comfort level has gone up about 40% in the last year,” he says.
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Jeremy Ross, a publicist and public speaking coach at the Speaking Guild, tells Yahoo Life that he struggled with social anxiety for so long that he just tried to learn to live with it. “Accepting that this is part of my life helps me be reasonable with myself and my expectations,” he says.
While there’s a lot of buzz around social media right now, it’s not a phrase most people are familiar with. Here’s what you need to know about being socially fit.
What does social fitness look like?
There is no simple definition of social aptitude, but the term is generally used to mean good social skills. “Social fitness encompasses a wide web of social interactions, from romantic relationships and friendships to engaging with acquaintances at a club or fitness class to greeting a stranger while waiting for your coffee,” Hilary Amon, a clinical psychologist at the Center for Anxiety & Women’s Emotional Wellness, tells WebMD. Yahoo Life.
Being socially fit means being comfortable navigating all of this—which often takes work, Aaron Brinen, assistant professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Vanderbilt University Medical Center, told Yahoo Life. “Traditionally, we think of social skills as something you either have or you don’t, but social skills are really like a muscle that we build,” he says. “If you don’t use your social skills, they get rusty.”
Working on social fitness involves flexing skills related to interacting with others, Brinen says. “We must always use them for our social skills to be successful,” he says.
Why is social fitness so valued now?
There’s a lot of discussion and research in the health community about the importance of social interaction—and people are paying attention, Dr. Gail Saltz, associate professor of psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medicine, tells Yahoo Life.
“We’ve recognized through research and public education that social fitness is incredibly valuable to our mood, health and life satisfaction,” she says. For example, US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy stated in a 2023 report that loneliness and social isolation are associated with a higher risk of developing cardiovascular disease, dementia, stroke, depression and anxiety, and even premature death. On the other hand, Murthy’s report found that, on average, socially active people live longer and healthier lives.
The focus on social fitness may also be related to the COVID-19 pandemic, Saltz says. “The pandemic and all the social isolation has increased social anxiety, a barrier to social fitness,” she says. “When the pandemic ended, a lot of people had developed so much social anxiety that the problem stuck around, even though they could see people now.” Amon agrees. “Most people were affected socially in some way during or after the pandemic,” she says.
Brinen says that whether you struggle with social anxiety or not, many people have recognized the importance of regularly communicating and finding common ground with others. That’s especially important in the context of an intense, polarizing election year, he says. “People just get the feeling that we’re tribal creatures. We realize that whatever your political affiliation, we have to survive together,” he says. “We’re starting to feel that connection again and we want more of it, which is healthy.”
How to work on your social fitness
The best way to work on your social fitness is to be as social as possible, Brinen says. There are many ways to do this. “Go to a coffee shop, a place of worship, or a bookstore,” he suggests. “Don’t eat lunch at your desk — eat lunch in the dining room.” Or, if you work from home, go out to a coffee shop or a park.
Spending quality time with a partner or making plans to meet friends in person can also help, Amon says. “Social fitness can also include saying hi to a stranger at Costco or talking to another customer while in line at Starbucks,” she says. “This could include joining a gardening club, going to storytimes at the local library with your children or joining a gym. The biggest takeaway is that you constantly have some type of social connection.
Brinen says it’s okay to feel nervous about socializing, especially if you’ve been rusty. “When we’re nervous, our instinct is to avoid something,” he says. “Don’t do that. Socialize again and again. The more you do it, the easier it will be.